Monday, December 24, 2012

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

This fantastic poem is copied from a post by driver Lone*Star in the "Tip The Pizza Guy" forum.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the town, not a restaurant was open, no food could be found.

The dog ate the turkey, Granadma burned the ham. Little Jimmy said "Let's just get a pizza, man!"

Dad sprang to the mouse and to his delight, there were coupons online, and they were open all night!

Down at the shop, the phone didn't ring, yet magically an order appeared on the screen. Two with the Works, extra sauce and double cheese, wings and drinks, in thirty minutes or free!

But the manager was counting for the third time to get it right. The cook was on break, where he had been most of the night. So I ran around the kitchen like a madman on speed, and I got it all in the oven, with some cheese bread for me.

I said a little prayer as I boxed the pies up all tight: "Lord let this be the one, I haven't been tipped all night."

I ran to my car that has seen better days. It started the first time, which left me amazed. The beater belched smoke, the clutch jerked as it caught,and the CV's made a racket as I zoomed off the lot.

The road was all icy, and it was snowing like hell. I'd made it five miles when I noticed that smell. I pulled off the road and sprang from my ride, to find a wire had shorted on the company sign.

I put out the fire and thew off the topper. Up to that moment I hadn't noticed the copper. I was all set to get back in my beater and leave, when he hit those blue lights and pulled up to me. He wrote me a ticket for littering the road, bald tires, bad brakes, and operating a "rolling commode".

When he finally let me go and pulled off out of sight, I turned the key, it did nothing...this just wasn't my night. I pushed that old car 'til it started rolling downhill, jumped in, popped the clutch and threw a glance at the bill.

103 Oak Avenue coming up on the next right, turn the corner, second house, look for the yellow light. The kids were at the window, noses pressed to the glass. Over here, over here they yelled as I passed. As I drove up in the driveway, I ran over a bike, buried in the snow that had been falling all night.

With food in one hand and drinks in the other, I ran across the lawn past the kid and his fat little brother.

That's when the world went upside down fast. I'd slipped on the ice and busted my ass. The pizzas went flying, the drinks fell in the snow, somehow they weren't ruined, how I don't know.

The man grabbed up the food and said with a smirk, "You're late, these are free, and your boss is a jerk. I usually tip well, whenever it is deserved, but tonight you screwed up, and I expect to be served.".

"Here's a buck for your trouble, to show I'm alright! Merry Christmas pizza boy, and have a good night."

This is for all of you who had to work tonight. God bless you and may all your tips be $5's!


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Seamus Lowe said...

I think this is the most beautiful story about pizza delivery I've heard. I've always wondered about the life of a pizza delivery person. I have a friend in Calgary who does it, but he never wants to talk about it.